by Worker Bee

Over Christmas break, I travelled to Sanibel island, Florida, with my family, as I always do. Most people associate Florida with the weather and the beaches. I associate it largely with their public library, which I always spend several days at. In part I go to the library to have internet access, which I would not otherwise have during the week or two that I am gone. In part I go to the library to have a quiet place to do homework. But ultimately, whatever my reason for going to the library in the first place, I end up being seduced by the thousands of fantastic books surrounding me. I start out by going to the library catalogue and searching for my obsessive interest of the moment. A couple of years ago, maybe even last year, that would have meant finding the Orson Scott Card books, and making sure I had read them all. This year though, and perhaps beginning last year, that meant going to the computer, and searching out what books they had on the topic of autism. Most libraries, when I have searched that, I haven’t come up with all that many books on autism that looked appealing. Maybe I just don’t go to enough libraries, or perhaps as the years go on, there have been more books. Anyways, this year, the Sanibel library had 28 results to my search. Some of these books simply involved a minor autistic character, however, many of the results were either fiction that had autism as a large part of it, (such as The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time), or non-fiction that delved into how to prevent, diagnose, and treat autism. I was amazed at how many results came up, and I began to search the floors of library for the shelves that housed these jewels. I had originally planned to primarily look at non-fiction, but the title Speed of Dark, by Elizabeth Moon caught my interest.

So I picked up the book and began to read. And read. And read. I got to about page 100, and then it was time for me to be picked up from the library, and head out to dinner. I told my mother that I had to be returned to the library the very next day, so that I could continue reading the book. The book... Is about a high functioning autistic man. He’s the sort of autistic that is off the charts intelligence wise, with savant like abilities when it comes to pattern recognition. The “high functioning autistic” part is that he has trouble reading social cues, whether they are in the form of facial expressions or even just general behaviour. His senses are easily overloaded.

But the book wasn’t really about autism. It was about the idea of the ability to be “normal”, through a “cure” for autism. It was about the idea of what exactly is “normal”, and why should anyone want to be “normal” to begin with. It was about how someone who deviated from social norms when it came to acceptable behaviour (anti-social behaviour / criminal behaviour), was somehow considered more normal than an autistic. It was about how the autistics were seemingly held to higher standards than the “normals”, with anything in their personality that wasn’t 100% typical considered either a part of the autism, or somehow negative, where as in other people, the same differences would simply be considered variances in human personality. It was about how much someone would be willing to give up to cease to be “autistic”, to be “normal”. It was about knowing if someone made this change to be “normal”, that they would loose any chance to go back to how they used to be.

Perhaps one could describe the novel almost as a love story. Not as a love story in the traditional sense, but the love that the main character felt for a girl from his fencing class. Perhaps a love that she felt back for him. But more importantly, the love that characters had for themselves and the world. Not romantic love... Just, love and acceptance. Or, as the case may be, hate and exclusion. It was the story of how one could be unconditionally loyal to their friends to the point that they would bring themselves to harm. It was the story of how one could be so undeniably exclusive and hateful, that they would be willing to bring harm to many. It was the story of searching for self-love, for self-acceptance. The story of finding ones place in the world.

For me, many of the issues raised in the book were especially relevant, given the fact that I DO have Asperger’s Syndrome, and I DO have ADHD. I fully understand that one thing can cause both strengths and weaknesses, be both a blessing and a curse, I fully understand what it means to exam oneself, and try to figure out what one would have to give up in order to get rid of the weaknesses associated with a condition. Then again, I’m sure these issues are much more universal then that. One does not need to suffer from Asperger’s, or indeed, any disability or illness at all, to understand that any human characteristic can be both a blessing and a curse. One does not need to be especially disabled to understand the drive to belong, and the feeling that one can’t. These are universal dilemmas, and it is likely that nobody can escape them all.

As far as I am concerned, Elizabeth Moon’s Speed of Dark is a wonderful novel - it has both a compelling storyline (and compelling characters), and a discussion on the serious idea of what “normal” means. While I may have found this book because of my obsession with autism, I believe that this book can be loved and appreciated by many people, even those that have an active indifference towards the idea of autism.