by Temujin
This article was inspired by Koresh, so he's to blame.
The UK is geographically far smaller than Americaland but much more densely populated. In the interests of cross-cultural engagement, I have decided to compile a list of regional stereotypes and perhaps some jokes around these.
The UK is divided into England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and these are divided into regions counties.
See if you can work out a negative stereotype about the Welsh from this selection of jokes from this page:
Q: What do you call a sheep tied to a fence in Wales?
A: A leisure center.
Q. What do you call a Welshman with many girlfriends?
A. A Shepherd.
Q. Did you hear that Welsh people have discovered a new use for sheep?
A. Wool.
Essex is derived from the term 'East Saxons' and is located in SE England. Here's a handful of Essex related jokes from this page:
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?
A: A washing machine doesn't follow you around for weeks after you've dumped your load in it.
Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and the Titanic?
A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
Q: Why do Essex Girls wear furry knickers?
A: To keep their ankles warm
Here's a comparison of those hardy barbarians folk in Scotland and those Southern softies from this page:
50F degrees people in southern England turn on the central heating
People in Edinburgh plant out bedding plants
40F degrees Southerners shiver uncontrollably
Glaswegians sunbathe on the beach at Largs
35F degrees Cars in the south of England refuse to start
People in Falkirk drive with their windows down
20F degrees Southerners wear overcoats, gloves and woolly hats
Aberdonian men throw on a T-shirt & girls start wearing mini-skirts
15F degrees Southerners begin to evacuate to the continent
People from Dundee swim in the North Sea at Broughty Ferry
Zero degrees Life in the south grinds to a halt
Inverness folk have the last BBQ before it gets cold
Minus 10F degrees Life in the south ceases to exist
People in Dunfermline throw on a light jacket
Minus 80F degrees Polar bears wonder if it's worth carrying on
Boy Scouts in Oban start wearing their long trousers
Minus 100F degrees Santa Claus abandons North Pole
People in Stirling put on their 'long johns'
Minus 173F degrees Alcohol freezes
Glaswegians get upset because all the pubs are shut
Minus 297F degrees Microbial life starts to disappear
The cows in Dumfriesshire complain about farmers with cold hands
Minus 460F degrees All atomic motion stops
Shetlanders stamp their feet and blow on their hands
Minus 500F degrees Hell freezes over
Scotland wins the 6 nations
Sticking with Scottleland, here's a few more about their lovely weather from this page:
Tourist to small boy: Does it ever stop raining in Scotland?
Small boy : I don't know, I'm only 13.
Student 1: My intro to Edinburgh was icily horizontal sleet backed up by a force 9 gale. I kid you not.
Student 2: Oh? You came in summer, then?
Now sadly few foreignfolk realise that Yorkshire is the single greatest place in the Universe. There are of course jokes around apparent Yorkshire stinginess, but saying these in Yorkshire is the leading cause of death amongst southerners visiting us up North.
Never ask an English person where he's from. If he's from Yorkshire, he'll tell you; if he's from anywhere else, it's unfair to embarrass him. (from this page).
And one more based on our exciting dialect from this page:
This warning has been issued by West Yorkshire Police
Clubbers in the North of England have taken to using dental syringes to inject Ecstasy directly into their mouths........
This dangerous practice is known as 'E by gum'.
So there you have it. The Welsh have sex with sheep, the Scots are barbarians who live in icy mountains, Yorkshire people are the supreme race on Earth and Essex girls are easy. Those are the main stereotypes, but I might add some more in a later article.