by Temujin

The Bard's Tale is an RPG with a difference. You control just one character, the Bard, though you meet a variety of NPCs along the way, some good, some bad, and some ugly. The difference between this and all other RPGs just about is that if it were a film, it'd be a comedy. A black comedy, in fact.

Voice acting is a double-edged sword, it can lead to horrific moments (Tidus) or moments of ultracool (MGS, especially when Grey Fox dies). In this case, it's the latter pretty much all the way. The Bard is essentially a bastard who's out for himself, wanting money, alcohol and sex, not necessarily in that order. The Narrator dislikes him intensely, and routinely mocks him throughout the game. In addition to this there are some songs, varying from merely chuckleworthy to mild hilarity at semi-regular intervals.

The story is cliched, but this game's feature is that it's fun, you don't play because crystals are about to destroy the world, you play because you want to see if the Bard will get his end away with the heroine. Said heroine, the Princess Caleigh, has, ahem, 'stimulating' exchanges with the Bard. Not explicit by any means, but the gist is pretty blatant.

The fighting is very similar to Baldur's Gate, apparently, and works reasonably well, though I have some minor gripes. You can line up your bowshots so you can shoot off the screen, using the map, but it's a pain in the arse, and a zoom out feature would make it much easier. There's a slight delay between button-pressing and action which makes it a little ungainly, but it isn't awful.

Fighting alongside the Bard are a number of 'tunes', summoned men, women and weird creatures he calls by strumming his lute (what a dirty metaphor that sounds like). These vary from healing crones, to warriors, trap finders and others, some very useful, others a bit crap. You don't control them directly once they've been summoned though, they do their own thing, fighting enemies or healing the Bard, but you can give a general command (such as 'attack' or 'stay where you are') using the D-pad.

At the start of the game you can customise the Bard's stats, which is a nice feature. Along with typical stats such as Strength, there's also Charisma, which can give you discounts at the shops you'll find, and Rhythm, which affects how powerful summoned beasts are. Higher difficulty levels give you lower starting stats and fewer save points, which is bloody annoying.

I'll finish with other gripes, which are always the most noticeable features of a game. The story, what there is of it, is linear and not too interesting, to be honest. If you buy a game solely for the story, you may dislike this one, but if you're willing to enjoy what is essentially a comedy and ignore the cliche of a princess in a tower, you can largely forgive the off-the-shelf plot. It's not very long, and has little replay value, except that you can make different conversational choices with the Bard (he's either Nice or Nasty, you don't choose specific lines of dialogue) which can affect whether you get items, or have to pay more for things, as well as being quite amusing sometimes.

All in all, a pretty good game and a good laugh, but not one for those wanting a 100 hour FFVIII clone or an involving plot.