by Return Former

Well, in this week's column, we're going to discuss beer. (Which is really what creates this column, not crack..)

What do you mean, 'we'? I'm just me, one person.

If you just you, then who are you talking to? And for that matter, who am I?

Who are you? I don't know, but if you need to ask me that, then one would assume you don't know who you are, either. May I suggest to you a psychologist?

No, thanks, I have one already, but thats besides the point. The point was that you're not alone in here...

I'm not? Man, and I've been changing out in the open. You haven't been watching me, have you? You pervert...

No, no, believe me, I don't want to see you naked. All you ever wear is a speedo, anyway...

Yeah, well, its hot in here. Its almost 99 degrees in here.

You're not real, though. You're just a thought. You don't have a body. how could you be hot?

Well, I would imagine that I was hot. If I was wearing more, that is.

Why not just imagine yourself to be cold?

Who wants to be cold? Besides, its not cold in here, so I couldn't imagine that its cold..

But how do you know? You can't feel heat... Sure, you know its 98.6 in here. How do you know what that feels like, though?

But inside a winterfresh mouth, it feels much, MUCH COOLER!!

What?

Where did you come from?

Oh, isn't this the winterfresh commercial guy's head?

No, its not.

Oh, I must have the wrong address. Sorry...

Well, that was quite strange...

Indeed, did you just waltz in here like that, too? Cause I don't ever remember you being here before...

Umm, well...

You did, didn't you.... I knew I was the only one here.

Yes, well, you left the door unlocked.

And here I am thinking I'm going crazy...

Oh, you're quite crazy already, I assure you of that.

Oh, shut up. Just leave. I need to get back to my article on beer.

I thought this was your article?

Right, well, I'd still like you to leave.

Ok, good talking to you, I guess.

Yeah, whatever, just do me a favor.

What?

Lock the door on your way out...