Libra (September 23 - October 22) - Happiness can often be found in numbers. Especially the number 42.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) - Walk around muttering, "If I'm supposed to have my seatbelt on whenever I'm in the car, then how can I ever get OUT? Shoot!"

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) - Everywhere you go, weave a carefully-crafted web of deceit.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) - Eagerly insist that smokers actually have more stamina. To prove your point, grab a smoker's cigarettes and see if she'll chase you.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) - Go bowling, but bring along a cannon. Whenever you bowl a bad frame, just fire away at the pins.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20) - Remember that the tab left in a cassette tape means you can record on it, while the tab removed means that you cannot record on it. A very important distinction.

Aries (March 21 - April 19) - Think on this Eastern proverb: "Tissues are not for the weak of heart, but for the weak of nose." Deep, man, deep.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - Fun prank for you men: sneak into women's rest rooms and put all the toilet seats up. Ladies: same, but in reverse.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20) - Send a postcard to a young friend. Claim that you're Santa Claus and you're being held hostage at a warehouse in Key West.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22) - Fishing for compliments will get you nowhere. Fishing for sea bass, however, can be a relaxing way to spend a weekend.

Leo (July 23 - August 22) - Pour molasses in the computer keyboards of your co-workers. If you get caught, say, "No, it's okay. I read about this trick in WIRED."

Virgo (August 23 - September 22) - Call a travel agent and spend two hours asking him or her about every foreign country you can think of. Then sigh deeply and say, "Look, I changed my mind. I'm going to spend my vacation at the supermarket. At least THEY speak English." (unless you live in California...)