Original Interview Date: April 25 & 26, 2007

Greg2583: Hello there, absolutlaney? How are things going for you?

Absolutlaney: Sextastic. LOL

G: So let's start with the basics? What is your A/S/L?

A: 25, yes, I mean F, Studio City, CA

G: OK, let's get a little personal. What do you feel has been your most pleasurable sexual experience?

A: I have absolutely no way to pick just one. In my short 25 years I've been amazingly fortunate to have had numerous exceptionally pleasurable sexual experiences. Some highlights would have to include:

• The somewhat corny making love listening to rain on the window and Sade on my stereo
• Sitting under a desk in high school during a slack off kind of day before Xmas vacation and having my boyfriend at the time sitting in an open-front desk behind me, his hands rubbing my shoulders in such a way I nearly came right there
• Having sex on 2 different beaches in Greece under a starlit sky
• Being blindfolded by my primary lover, him going down on me, him rising up to kiss me, and feeling a whole new set lips going down on me. That was one hell of a surprise.

G: Well, wow...you definitely seem like you've been fortunate. Is there anything that you haven't experienced that you would like to do?

A: I would absolutely love to have a one-on-one romantic relationship with a female. It's a side of my sexuality I'm really looking forward to exploring. I would also be quite interested to give some DP action a shot.

G: I'm sure you've noticed that there is an emphasis on sex-related discussions. Do you feel that we spend too much time talking about sex? How about not enough?

A: I do not feel that there can ever really be enough conversations that are sexual in nature. I think the sex board gets plenty of really good intellectual conversations about sex and everything that goes with it as well as fun flirty posts. In a society (the US specifically) where expectations about what kinds of sex are good, what kind of sex is proper, who should be having sex, etc. I think the more people that are comfortable standing up for their sexual preferences (and I do not mean sexual orientation here) and being open about them, the better chance we stand of maybe finally dispelling misconceptions and having honest and helpful discussions that increase sexual health and pleasure.

G: That's very important. You seem to feel passionately about awareness regarding all things sexual. Do you have any other personal experience that you would like to share?

A: Well, my personal experiences aren't exactly "the norm" as my previous examples might have illustrated. Probably one of the most interesting parts of my sex life since August of 2004 has been living with HIV and how to continue to have an honest healthy sex life despite that. And, fortunately, in today's age, I have encountered partners who did not turn away from me because of my HIV status. With proper protection as well as many other mitigating factors such as good health care, etc., my partners have not been so afraid of becoming infected that they would not engage in a sexual relationship with me, for which I am very, very grateful.

Now, obviously, the next question that invariably comes up when I am having a conversation about my status is, "How did you get it?" While this is a personal question, I do not mind owning up to the mistakes I've made in life. It would be cowardly of me to not be forthright about my circumstances. I was involved with an HIV+ partner for nearly 4 years. We engaged in unprotected sex. Many will say that it was incredibly stupid and there is really no argument against that. However, most loving monogamous committed couples do not use condoms. That is a simple fact. Other forms of birth control seem to suffice for couples that are involved in a long-term relationship similar to a marriage. We just wanted to be a normal couple, and as obvious as hindsight is that using condoms should have never been negotiated out of our relationship, stopping the moment, grabbing one, putting it on, making sure you have it on right, etc. doesn't always happen

As many people would like to think they would know better than that and act appropriately, it is not always that simple. It just isn't. I know of other couples (the term is serodiscordant, one person is positive, the other is not) that can identify with this situation.

It's not that I ever had a death wish. It's not that I ever desired to contract HIV. I did have a desire for a "normal" sexual relationship without any barriers, be they symbolic or otherwise. For some that's impossible to understand, and I'm OK with that. The primary reason I am honest about how I contracted HIV is that I would never want to perpetuate the myth that condoms don't protect against HIV. They absolutely do, and I could not live with myself if I made up a story about how a condom broke, etc. Owning this mistake has made me look like an idiot at times, but that's life. If I can make one person reconsider putting that condom on in the heat of the moment because shit DOES happen, then me being berated for my mistake is not in vain.

Currently I am involved with a primary partner that does not fear my status. We do use condoms. It is important to note that female to male infection is 1/20th of that of male to female infection. I have never infected anyone, and I'm quite confident I never will. Anyone with whom I am sexually involved in the future knows right off the bat that I am HIV+, and they are free to make an informed decision as to how they want to proceed. As I mentioned, fortunately, growing up in an HIV-aware age, my partners are educated enough to understand that they are not at a statistically significant risk when proper protection is used, which is certainly what allows me to continue a rich, varied, wonderful sex life.

It's difficult to a) not come off sounding all yippy skippy about it sometimes and b) make people understand that it's not a cake walk even though I don't have it nearly as rough as my predecessors did. Sometimes I think that people think that I shouldn't be encouraged or applauded for continuing a normal sex life.

G: It takes a strong person to go through what you have experienced. It seems like you have kept a good outlook on things.

A: I do appreciate the sentiment, but I don't consider myself "strong" for living with HIV. After all, I did go into a situation, fully informed, and still chose to make less than optimal decisions. So I see it as making a mistake, but not living with regret. And as I said, if it can make someone think twice about protecting oneself, then so be it.

I have a consistently good outlook on things. I'm one of the most upbeat people I know. I'm extremely laid back, not much ruffles my feathers. I'm extremely fortunate to have a very secure support network of friends and family that have always been there for me. I am also a firm believer in positivity attracting positivity. Nobody likes to be around a negative person; it's too depressing and exhausting. My mom subtlety and covertly taught me that you have to pick your battles. She's one of the most even-tempered relaxed people I know. The older I become, the more I realize that her amazingly pleasant demeanor (not to mention unsurpassed hormonal stability) have played a bigger role in my life than I ever thought.

G: Ok, let's switch gears for a minute. Another major board on 4K is the Flame board. Do you have any opinions about how popular that gets?

A: I think it speaks to a negative or positive frame of mind. Some people go there to play or just have fun and flame in a free-spirited way. Others go there to really vent their anger against another member's viewpoints, which harkens to me the ever popular saying:

"Winning an argument online is like winning the special Olympics; even if you win, you're still retarded."

G: So, it's safe to assume that you wouldn't put the Flame in your favorite 4K boards list. What boards would you consider your favorites?

A: Yes that's definitely true. I very rarely visit it. Common boards that do appear in my favorites are Sex (of course!), Holy War, Debate, Controversy, the Gamma board, Items & Lotto and Community

G: Recently, you participated in the GirlsGoodies Contest on the Sex board. Could you talk a little bit about that?

A: Firstly, I am quite honored to have won. There were many excellent sexy pics submitted, and I'm proud to have been among them. I would've said so myself on that board at the time, but there were sentiments of this kind expressed already, and I didn't want to just sound like one of the crowd. I loved participating in the contest. With the flurry of controversy that followed in some identifying themselves, and others not, I chose to be one that didn't. I privately thanked the contributors to the contest prize pot and am now publicly thanking those that shared such nice compliments. It just seemed like a better idea to lay low for a bit. I am not camera shy (that might be an understatement!), and it was an excellent motivator for my husband to take the pictures we'd been discussing for some time. I didn't show skin to win; I showed skin because I found the shot to be one of the best we'd taken from that set in terms of composition, expression, etc. I am proud of my body, but I was proud of the picture and felt that it would best represent me in the contest.

G: Well, thank you very much for your time, absolutlaney. Do you have anything else to share?

A: A big thanks to Four and everyone that keeps this forum running. it's one of the most unique communities I've encountered and it's been a pleasure putting on my partici-pants and jumping in! And thank you, Greg, you stud you. :D